Women Not Supporting Women in the Legal Industry

About six years ago, I mediated a sexual harassment/assault case against a company located on the West Coast. My client and I were in Virginia, and this was before virtual mediations were a thing, however, I was assured by the mediator that she had done it many times before.

The mediation started off poorly – unfortunately, the mediator couldn’t figure out how to set up a video conference, and finally after 30 minutes of her trying to get the tech to work, I suggested we conduct the mediation by phone.

Ultimately, the mediation was successful. I was able to get my client a favorable settlement, but during the mediation, things did get tense at times.

Before the paperwork was put together to ink material settlement terms (practice pointer: never leave the settlement table without written signed settlement terms), the mediator asked if she could speak to me in private. I insisted on having my second chair on the call with me, who was also a female lawyer. I was a senior associate at the time.

The mediator got on the line and said, ‘First I want to say, I’m a big supporter of female attorneys. I know how hard it can be, trust me, I’ve had my fair share of hurdles as a woman in law. BUT, I want to say that you were particularly harsh in today’s mediation. I don’t know if it’s because you as a woman are overcompensating, but I really want to caution you to take things back a notch.’

I was stunned. Neither my second-chair associate, nor my client, thought I had acted “harsh.” I didn't even know what to do with this information.

To this day, I wonder if this mediator would have said the same thing to a male litigator. I’ll never know.

I just told her that this wasn’t material to the case, I disagreed, and I wanted to focus on items that could benefit my client. I think she was expecting me to launch into a mea culpa or something.

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In my professional experience, women in power have been, in certain times, more unforgiving, “harsh,” and competitive toward me than my male colleagues. I have noticed that with my generation (older millennial/mid-30s), women are very supportive of each other. There is also a double standard for female lawyers - if we are too aggressive, that's bad, but if we are not aggressive enough, we're considered weak.

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Have you had a similar experience with this type of bias or seen this type of treatment? Let me know in the comments.